written @ 8:32 p.m. on March 12, 2002
Repeat after me: Slow deep cleansing breaths........Slow deep cleansing breaths.
Have you ever had the feeling that you just knew something was going to happen? That was me about band. I KNEW something like what happend tonight was gonna happen. This, THIS is why i have HATED going to band. This feeling that EVERYONE has giving up. It is starting to rub off on me. I know that that is hypocritical i mean a couple entrys back i gave up on everything, but that is why. Today the band fell to pieces in about ten minutes. Rehearsal wasnt going well at all, I admit that i did at one point not want to be there, BUT that didnt keep me from working at it. We were giving a break it couldnt have been much later than six, and when we got back a couple of the so-called band leaders (who might i say only lead when THEY think that there is a problems)sat us down and were like "how many of you dont want to be here" and "how can we fix what is going on" all of that turned into bickering and speeches and lectures that attempted to be motavational but tore the band to shreads. People left. I didnt but i didnt practice, i went into complusive clean freak mode. TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE CRAP IN THE BAND ROOM: GET IT OUT BEFORE I GET RID OF IT!!!!!! I am sick of it being a wreck. My room may be a disaster but that is totally different than a place where more than just you spend HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS and MONTHS of your life. I used to spend more time in the band room than in my own home. But now i seem to be avoiding it like the plague. Maybe this is my sign that i need to ditch band and do something else. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........ I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What happened to the band that i loved????? TO the people that i loved to be around???????????? To the feeling that used to come when there was great music being played????????? If anyone knows please tell me cause i am at a loss for ideas on how to make everything better.
Sara