written @ 10:37 p.m. on October 18, 2001
Alrighty, so i am gonna talk about everything i wanted to talk about yesterday but didnt feel like saying. If you arent in the mood to read a bunch of bitching and complaining STOP NOW!! Wait wait no, first off i want to apologize for being the most awfulest mood and stuff. THANKS for putting up with me :)
I guess i should start at the beginning, hmmm... i guess that would be Tuesday October 16th and if it isnt i will just go back in the middle of this story. Well, a wonderful band rehearsal had just ended (urgh no it was horrible) when i was approached by this really sweet guard memeber,(hmmm do i want to name names, sure why not)Christa, came up to me and was like I kinda have this Really big crush on Ryan, can you help me? Me totally not thinking said yes. So then i decide okay why dont i go back to the band room and talk to Ryan. Found Ryan. Then i ask him about homecomming and stuff, and when he told me he didnt think he was going i was like well i know someone you should ask. I told him Christa.(bangs head on desk after realizing what i did.) I start tearing up as i am telling him this (AHHHH whats wrong with ME??). He was like whats wrong? NOTHING NOTHING is wrong(LIES ALL LIES)Yeah so then i go home and am up till 2am working on an english story.
next day... Wensday i got three hours of sleep still living in a blur. Before 3rd hour i see Christa and tell her about the conversation i had with ryan. (::insert happy freshman here:: and ::sad sophomore here::.) So then after 3rd period english i see her again, by this point she has figured out why i was just slightly(okay maybe a little more than that) upset. She was like you like him dont you. NO NO its okay really.URGH how much of a moron am i. Well, so yeah that situtation got to be a little wierd. Hmm yeah so that is all for wensday ryan was acting funny, oh well.
Today.... Obviously the people Christa and i talked to wabout everything relayed the love triange and i have has numerous people saying no no dont hook them up. Geeez what am i supposed to so go after a guy i have no chance with?? Huh no i dont think so. personally i think that christa is sweet and pretty, lots more than i am. I was supposed to talk to ryan to day and not be a chicken and tell him how i feel (dudes i dressed up and wore a skirt today hello i think i have lost it). But yeah I didnt go throguht with it and i dont think that i will ever be able to go through it. (sorry kirsten, shane, and jennie) i just dont think i can do it. Ryan and i were at eachs others throats all of tonights rehearsal i have NOCLUe why. it would be nice to know though, so i am just not in the mood to talk to him in a nice way.
But yeah so here i am admitting that i kinda like a person and have known for like forever but have no chance with. Gosh i wish things would just go back to the way they were. Oh well. this whole situation has made me realize that i am a freaken moron who doesnt have the guts to do anything about anything, mainly cause i didnt want to lose a friend, but now it almost seems like i am going to anyway. (::bangs head on desk::)yeah so i am going to go now i feel like i am going to start to cry. :'/
Love yall thanks for listening. I NEED EVERYONES THOUGHTS ANS OPINIONS. Laters
Sara